Momming During the Pandemic
For a long time, I’d felt so guilty for not spending enough time with my children. They are always at school and aftercare and I’m always working. I wished there was a way I could spend more time with them but it just wasn’t possible with all of our obligations. Then the pandemic struck, and after the initial panic, we went on lockdown and I thought this actually could be a good thing in terms of getting the time with my kids I had so desperately wanted. I pictured us home all day, harmoniously playing family games, assembling puzzles, and reading books for hours on end. To be honest, I’m still dreaming of these days that never seem to happen.
The reality is, I spend all day every day preparing meals, cleaning up after EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, doing laundry, working F/T, facilitating virtual school, taking care of household projects, and SO MUCH MORE. The work NEVER ends. Every day I go to bed thinking tomorrow is the day I will dedicate all my time and attention to the kids, have some fun with them and worry about nothing else. That day never seems to come.
Nothing is harder than parenting during a pandemic, I’m sure of it. It’s hard on everyone, but as a mom, I’m just positive that no one is holding more shit together than a mom right now. We are working, cooking, cleaning, scolding, entertaining, educating, rewarding, bathing, and everything in between. More is expected of us than is humanly possible. To make matters worse, I scroll through IG to see everyone’s sunny, happy, clean photos making me feel like I'm insufficient. I try so hard to keep the house tidy, but that requires me telling the kids to pick up their stuff 39 times a day and it’s still fruitless…and exhausting.
So the question is, does anyone really have it all together right now, or are we all silently suffering behind closed doors? I tried to put a virtual mom hangout together so anyone who wants can join to share their triumphs and tribulations during this time, even if it’s an hour’s worth of drinking wine and bitching about all that’s hard right now. Unfortunately, no one showed up so I’m just not sure what the solution is. My kids are in tears because they miss their friends, and I comfort them by sharing the same tears. I explain that I miss my friends too and EVERYONE is suffering right now. The problem is, it doesn’t take the pain away just to know that others are sharing the same pain.
I try to do extra special things for them so they don’t feel like their life is still upside down, going on a year now. But all the things I do feel in vain. They are still driving me crazy all day every day, and they are still lonely, even though I’m always around. The reality is we are all so damn sick of being around each other 24/7 we don’t know how to act. And no matter what I do, I never feel I’m doing it all right or good enough.
So to all the mamas out there, I want you to know you are not alone. Although we are isolated, and don’t share our daily struggles with one another often, I know most of us are feeling this way. I can’t wait to hug each and every one of you. I yearn for the day we can embrace again. Until then, I want you to know you can call me any time. You can pop into Baby Love or reach out on social media and let me know you want to hang. I would love to try the “virtual mama’s wine and whine” (or whatever you want to call it) again, so if you would show up, please let me know.
Love and light to you all. You ARE in my prayers (and I wouldn't mind if you wanted to add me to yours).